you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
