i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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