Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
