Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
