i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sorry about my life...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
