I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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