She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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