i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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