what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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