is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
