im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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