He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
