there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
