I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
