weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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