its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i think i just lost a toe
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
