using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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