i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm at about main and main street
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
