I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
