just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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