he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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