Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
