If i come over, it means nothing
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
