We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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