you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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