he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i now understand why vodka
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
