My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
