you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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