HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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