so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
