Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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