So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i think my tv is drunk
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
