I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dicks are not precious.
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