I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
