I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize