the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
