I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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