One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
