Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
