Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
