dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He passed out mid-signature
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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