I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
