All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
