i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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