so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
love makes seman taste better
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Everyone says I win the strip club
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
