I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
