Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
