You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
