don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
two words: eviction party
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
