What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
