Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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